Stories from Rasamala

Bathroom Reading

Lagi bosennn!!!

Gw mau posting cerita-cerita lucu aja. Gw kan ngga lucu, jadi tentu aja bukan cerita asli karangan gw…hehe gw dapet cerita-cerita ini dari bathroom reader application alias bacaan buat di toilet . Some of them are very entertaining so I decided to share them here…

disclaimer: All author is unknown, so I cannot give the author the credit they deserve…but bless the author for giving me such a hilarious reading in the bathroom

Bathroom Reading #1

The perfect woman

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met.

After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding.

Their life together was, of course, “perfect”.

On one snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.

There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys.

Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle.

Soon they were driving along to deliver the toys.

Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Clause had an accident.

Only one of them survived the accident.

Who was the survivor?

(scroll down for the answer)

The perfect woman survived.

Why?

She’s the only one who really existed in the first place.

Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man. (AHA…SENANGGG)

Women stop reading here, that is the end of the joke.

Men keep scrolling

So if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving.

This explains why there was a car accident (SIYAL)

By the way, if you’re a woman and reading this, this illustrates another point: women never listen either (SIAKEEE…hehehe)

Bathroom Reading #2

The Lord and the Biker

A biker was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, “Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.”

The biker pulled over and said, “Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.”

The Lord said, “Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things.

Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me.”

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, “Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she’s thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing’s wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy.”

The Lord replied,

“Do you want two lanes or four on that bridge?”

PLAKKK…emang segitu ribetnya ya perempuan? ahem, klo mau jujur sih iya…huehe rasakan para lelaki! You cannot live without us anyway, so live with it *senyummanis, from ear to ear*

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What If…

What if tomorrow, or say next week is doomsday, the end of the world, Armageddon (whatever you name it)…

Would we still hate each other?

Would we still talk about other people behind their back?

Would we still care about money?

Would we still envy to those who have Hermes and go to Caribbean island for holiday?

Would we still fight about silly things?

Would we still talk about the new Managing Director of World Bank?

I guess the answer is no…

Then what would be our priority?

What would we care?

What would we think?

What would we do?

I definitely would ask God to have mercy on my sinful soul

And definitely ask forgiveness from e.v.e.r.y.b.o.d.y

You know, just to lessen my sin a bit

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You Only See What Your Eyes Want to See

Waktu nyiapin nikahan…tiba-tiba ngerasa ternyata semua orang mau nikah ya? karena baru nyadar klo wedding business is huge, like…really huge! Ketemu sama orang-orang yang lagi nyiapin nikahan juga, punya temen baru jadinya trus jadi tau ini itu.

Waktu abis nikah, I (out of nowhere) developed a new habit, everywhere I go and meet a couple, I instantly stole a look at their  ring finger, see if their also married. Mungkin karena waktu gw nikah, temen-temen gw belum banyak yang nikah, jadi klo ketemu newly wed couple rasanya kaya ada temen baru…hehe silly I know.

Waktu hamil, tiba-tiba aja rasanya kok banyaaaaak banget orang hamil ya? sebelumnya ngga pernah liat. Kemana mereka sebelumnya ya? kok bisa bareng? Dan lucunya, waktu hamil belum kliatan tu bayi-bayi di mall.

Waktu udah ngelahirin Nara, tiba-tiba di penglihatan gw orang hamil udah jarang keliatan…rasanya mall isinya cuma stroller dan bayi. Hihi…

Sekarang? Di mata gw mulai kliatan ibu-ibu hamil sambil ngegandeng anak pertamanya…hehehehe.

Seperti kata Madonna, you only see what your eyes want to see.

ps. senangnya, di setiap fase itu nambah temen

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Kuartal atau Triwulan? (capedehh)

Baru aja ditelp sama bagian admin di kantor gw. Bapak ini ngomong rada panjang lebar tentang rencana training tahun ini. Ternyata beberapa minggu lalu, tim gw pernah ngirim usulan training tahun ini (ga tau siapa yang menyusun). Gw pikir tadinya bapak ini mau tanya tentang usulan nama atau mengenai topik/penyelenggaraan training yang diusulkan. Kenapa? Karena bapak ini ngomongnya panjang banget…di tengah-tengah gw mulai menebak-nebak apaaa ya yang mau doi tanya.

Setelah beberapa saat, bapak ini nanya di tengah lamunan gw.

Bapak   : Jadi mbak Meta, masa ini ditulis mbak Meta diusulkan untuk training di kuartal 4? Maksudnya triwulan kali?

Me        : ya kuartal sama dengan triwulan pak

Bapak   : ya enggak dong, satu tahun kan cuma ada 12 bulan. Klo sampe kuartal 4 berarti satu tahun ada 16 bulan (antara tersinggung dan kesel karena menganggap gw bego)

Me        : *bingung, dia bener ga ya…kuartal itu 4 bulan, tapi selama ini kok gw terbiasa menyebut satu tahun itu terdiri dari 4 kuartal yah? Even di Bloomberg, semua data triwulanan menyebut dengan kuartal untuk triwulan* hmm…selama ini memang kita menyebut triwulan itu kuartal pak, secara internasional juga disebutnya demikian.

Bapak   : Ya kelihatannya semua yang disana perlu belajar bahasa Indonesia lagi

Me        : *gubrak, kejem bener pak* … *du du du, anywayyy…* jadi gimana Pak, ada yang bapak perlu konfirmasi *tetep mikir apakah si bapak mau nanya tentang usulan nama atau jenis training yang diusulkan*

Bapak   : *rada gusar karena menganggap gw dan tim gw bego berbahasa Indonesia* nggak Mbak, saya cuma mau tanya maksudnya kuartal itu. Saya ganti jadi triwulan aja ok? Karena yang namanya kuartal itu bla bla bla (kembali mengulang penjelasannya mengenai definisi kuartal ‘yang-seharusnya-menurut-dia’ dan bedanya dengan triwulan, dan betapa konyolnya klo seluruh orang disini menganggap triwulan itu sama dengan kuartal)

Me        : oh oke pak, diganti aja jadi triwulan… *sigh*

Gemes…

Kenapa sih urusan remeh kaya gitu aja sampe ngabisin waktu nelp lebih dari 5 menit? Buang-buang waktu aja. FTLOG, itu cuma usulan doang sihhh, mau diganti jadi triwulan juga terserah dia, asal dia gak ganti nama atau jenis trainingnya…gak perlu telp kesini lama-lama gitu.

Gemes lagi…

Kenapa tadi gw ngga bisa keukeuh bilang klo kuartal itu sama dengan 3 bulanan, jadi aja bapak itu ga menganggap kita ga pinter berbahasa Indonesia, hehe.

Menurut Bapak itu, kuartal dalam bahasa jawa artinya 4 bulanan, tri wulan artinya 3 bulan. Klo liat dari definisi doi ya kita jadi salah karena satu tahun cuma ada 3 kuartal. Tapiiiii …aduh males gw jelasinnya juga, wong semua orang juga pasti tau kan satu tahun itu terdiri dari 4 kuartal? Sini klo ada yang bilang setaun cuma ada 3 kuartal gw jitakin ampe botak

Gemes juga…

Sama si bapak…wong di Indonesia juga penggunaan kata kuartal dengan arti kata triwulan itu sudah sangat umum (klo ga percaya liat data di dep. Pajak, BPS, Depkeu, atau DIMANA PUN), semua orang juga ngerti klo dibilang kuartal 4 itu sama dengan periode September-Desember!

Abis nutup telp, gw ngikik sendiri… lucu amat sih bapak!

20-21

Si ayah yang supersibuk itu berasa main film Up in The Air minggu lalu…

Hari kamis sore berangkat ke Semarang urusan kerjaan. Pulang ke Jakarta Jumat malem.

Sabtu pagi berangkat ke Bali untuk menghadiri nikahannya Shanti. Tektok…sore udah sampe Jakarta lagi.

Ke Bali ngga berasa ke Bali katanya, hihihi

This is our weekend story…

Sabtu pagi, sebelum Pandu berangkat ke Bali, Nara bangun pagi banget…dengan muka khawatir dia nanya gw “Bunda pergi ke Bali juga?”

Gw jawab: “nggak kita main aja seharian yaa!!!”

Jadi paginya main lego, robot-robotan, nonton Playhouse Disney, baca buku cerita dannn bikin kue Peanut Butter and Chochocip Cookies. Siangnya kita tidur bareng, bangun jam 3an siap-siap jemput Pandu ke Bandara, just the two of us. Berhubung gw belum pernah naik tol sejauh itu, rada deg-degan juga…jadi Nara kadang dicuekin klo gw lagi konsen berat. Karena sering dicuekin pas cerita, Nara sampe ngomong “Bunda, Nara boleh tanya sesuatu nggak?” hawuuu, maaf ya Mas, Bunda takut nabrak klo liat-liat kursi belakang pas nyetir…

Oya satu lagi, berhubung di jalanan banyak orang psycho nyetir, gw extra hati-hati dan ngga terlalu kenceng di tol..max 80-90km dan mainly di jalur tengah…akibatnya lama bener sampe bandara (apalagi ditambah macet dari semanggi sampe gerbang tol kebon jeruk) dan Nara pun bilang “Bunda, kok ngga sampe-sampe sih? Bandaranya jauh sekali ya? kayanya dulu ngga jauh deh” weks, tau aja dia gw nyetirnya lama.

Abis jemput Pandu, langsung balik…siap-siap buat ke kawinan Rizki (temen kantor Pandu juga) di Sunda Kelapa. Rizki itu padang yang menikah dengan cewek padang…hurrayyyy I love west Sumatrans wedding ada tari persembahan dan tari piring, dengan suara talempong dan saluang. Ahhhh selalu inget kawinan sendiri yang…ngga pake gitu-gituan. Rasain sekarang nyesel ngga pake adat padang, hahaha. Oh satu lagi alesan gw suka kawinan adat padang…pastinyo ada sate padang! Hahaha.

Hari minggu pagi bangun siang, heheheh all 3 of us, bahkan Nara yang biasanya jam 6 udah seger buger. Jam 10 baru sarapan dan siap-siap berangkat ke PS, janjian makan siang sama Bapak Ibu di Marchè. Makannya rada buru-buru soalnya kita mau ke acara lamaran Ira jam 2 di Kebon Jeruk. Abis makan solat, Nara dititipin ke Bapak dan Ibu yang udah solat sebelum makan. Abis gw solat, celingak celinguk nungguin Pandu (biasanya Pandu lebih lama solatnya karena cowok pasti jamaahan) masuk ke Zara, liat sepatu teplek item, nyobain, muat, bawa ke kasir, bayar, keluar. Keluar Zara liat adek gw yang tercengang “buset, suaminya meleng 5 menit udah bawa kantong belanjaan aja dia”. Abis itu ketemu Ibu, bilang klo Pandu lagi ngajak Nara pipis…oke klo gitu kita masuk Zara lagi buat liat sepatu lain…hehehe.

Tapiii baru jalan ke Zara, Pandu dan Nara udah selesai…ternyata komennya Pandu ga gw sangka “gitu dong, klo beli sepatu jangan lama-lama…liat, suka, cobain, pas, bayar…ngapain lagi liat lama-lama”…hahaha gw suka ni yang kaya gini-gini.

Anyway, thanks to GPS kita selamat sampai di rumah Ira. Bukannya apa-apa, kita semua ngga ada yang pernah main-main ke daerah sana, jadi blank sama sekali…hihi. Kita telat 45 menit *maaf ya Ra…* trus di halamannya sepi banget…gubrak, jangan-jangan udah bubaran ternyata acaranya di ruang tengah dan kita disuruh masuk lewat garasi, hihi. Pas lagi celingak-celinguk Ira telp. Gw bingung, lah ni anak bukannya lagi dilamar ya di dalem, kok bisa-bisanya nelp gw? ternyata dia masih dipingit di kamarnya, belum waktunya tampil…hihihi. Pas Ira turun, she’s so gorgeous btw, trus proses lamarannya selesai, gw nyelametin Ira sambil nangis…huaaa seneng banget akhirnya dia direstuin juga buat nikah sama Angga. Mereka udah pacaran dari … errr… taun 99 ya Ra? Gubrak deh…lama banget. Pernah putus berapa taun gitu trus balikan lagi, trus insyaallah Juni ini nikah…Alhamdulillah. Di acara itu juga ketemu Filia (dan Stany) yang dulu sekosan sama gw dan Ira di Bandung, dannnn sekarang ternyata jadi tetangga gw juga di Rasamala…hihi bokkk itu ternyata mereka ngontrak Cuma sekitar 15 meter dari rumah gw alias cuma beda sekitar 3 rumah…doenggg tapi ngga pernah ketemu, wkwkwk.

Anyway, semoga lancar ya Ra sampai akad nikah dan sesudahnya. I’m really happy for you.

Abis dari rumah Ira jam setengah 5, tadinya mau ke PIM nungguin Holycow Steak buka tapi Bapak sama Ibu ternyata masih di PS dan baru mau nyebrang ke Senci. Ngajakin kita bareng. Yaudahlah, dari Senci juga deket kan ke radio dalem. Di Senci sempet ngelongok Zara lagi, tapi ntah mengapa sering kali masuk toko sama Pandu, I lost my luck…ngga nemu yang yang gw suka, hehehehe. Trus seperti biasa kita lama di toko mainan, ngga beli…Cuma nemenin Nara liat-liat mainan (yang udah diliat puluhan kali juga sebenernya sama Nara) sampe jam setengah 7 kurang. Buru-buru solat trus inget musti ke Foodhall dulu sekalian beli makanan buat Nara. Jreng jrenggg baru keluar dari Senci jam 7 lewat 15-an, hihi. Sampe Holycow Steak lagi gerimis mengundang… gw di mobil aja sama Nara, Pandu liat sikon. Gubrak yaa yang ngantri banyak gitu di luar ujan-ujanan trus ga pake waiting list, tapi berdasarkan ingetan mas-masnya aja…hihi dia bilang “ngga dicatet mas, saya inget kok muka mas” haduh, ngga meyakinkan euy…potensi kesalipnya gede. Udah gitu wagyunya pun udah abis. Yasudlah belum jodooo… kita cabut dari sana mengungsi ke QSmokehouse Factory. Pas cabut gw sempet liat ada Woro lagi sumringah di depan wagyunya…hehe trus gw liat twitternya pun sama, hihi ternyata dia dateng juga hari sabtunya tapi ngga kebagian wagyu. Selamat ya jeng…I will take your advice, next week akan dateng sebelum jam 7

Komennya Pandu “ini kacau ini…kacau banget ni twitter ni bikin Holycow steak jadi sengetop ini” hahahaha

Like I said on twitter, gak dapet wagyu dapet short rib di QSmokehouse Factory, fair enough

Btw pas kita di Senci, di bagian mainan Debenhams, ada anak kecil perempuan lagi nangis (around 7yo) kepisah sama ibu dan kakaknya. Pas disamperin security masih nangis juga, ternyata ga bisa bahasa Indonesia. Disamperin Pandu diajak ngomong, ternyata dari Korea, her name is Sarah dan ga tau ibunya dimana. Gw mewek loh. Cuma dikit sih, tapi gw jadi ngga membantu at all karena mau ngomong aja tercekat di kerongkongan. Untungnya ngga lama ibunya ketemu, masih di Debenhams juga. Happy ending.

Tapi gw jadi ngeh, kenapa yahh gw gampang banget nangis. Sabtu minggu kemaren aja 3 kali yang gw inget nangis. Waktu di kawinan Rizki, gara-gara liat orang nari piring, bulu kuduk gw merinding trus nangis. Pas di acara lamaran ira gw juga nangis, trus pas liat anak ilang nangis lagi. Hormones?

Jumbled Mind

This will be another random post . Mostly about Nara, who else is in my head beside Pandu? :p

1. Never let a teenager with a punk (wannabe) dress code and spiky hair (not in a cool way) do your kids hair. Never.
2. Nara had a cold a few days back and yesterday I asked him “Nara udah berdoa sama Allah?” and he replied “udah”. I continued, “berdoa apa?” he answered “Nara minta power rangers yang baaaaanyakkk”. Ahem. “Nara ngga minta supaya cepet sembuh?” and he coolly answered “oh ya ya itu juga”
3. Nara hates playing as “smurf badut” because he thinks Smurf Badut is naughty and he considers himself as a goodboy. So he makes me “Smurf Badut” for all our Smurf Session. *duarrr*
4. Instead of admitting he couldn’t make a robot from his Lego when I asked him to build one for me, he said “sama Ayah aaajjja, Nara capek Bunda…” and acted as if he’s really tired (and almost closed his eyes)
5. When I asked Nara who is his bestfriend at school, he said Raihan. Then I asked why. He said “karena Raihan ganteng. Rambutnya jambul” and laughed histerically.
6. Yesterday when Crocs-sale-fever was haunting Senayan City. Nara requested to go to the malls. I asked him what malls. He said “Senayan City aja, Nara tau kok tempatnya…nggak jauh” OH PLEASE…it’s suicide. Glad we went to Plaza Indonesia instead.
7. He asked me to play Power Ranger. He’s the Red Power Ranger and I’m the bad guy. I frowned and said I don’t wanna be the bad guys. Then he sighed and gave up,  said “oke…Bunda jadi robot cantik aja deh…”
8. This is Nara non-related: It’s weird how I can cry over the death of a stranger and feel so sad as if I knew him. Maybe because he seemed like a good man and a wonderful husband. I always have a soft spot for wonderful husbands. They’re the best kind of men!

Scattered Brains

Some of my scattered brains

• I know some of my dear friends has a business, an online store or whatever and I respect the entrepreneurship in them. And we’re friends, I know. And we also friends on facebook. But that doesn’t mean that you can tag me on your every picture of your products and hence flood my notification with comments from TOTAL STRANGERS such as “eh ada ukuran S ngga ya mbak?” “klo ongkir ke malang berapa ya?” and so on and so blarghhh. It’s freaking annoying! And IMO, It’s unethical! Please figure out a more elegant way to do your business.
• Oh, and the Reply and RT thingy on twitter. Please don’t be such an ignorant … (fill in yourself) because I don’t need to know ALL your conversation with your friends who (specially) aren’t my friends. Pengen di unfollow tapi orangnya sensi…males kan? In short, use reply INSTEAD OF RT when you want to reply your friends tweet. RT means ReTweet, NOT Reply To. You can use it when you want to retweet someone else’s tweet and honor his/her brain for thinkin it first before you, you can add a comment too if you like. But RT is not the same as Reply. Get it??? Klo belum ngerti juga, mungkin postingan blog ini bisa lebih menjelaskan beda Reply dan RT. Go on, read it.
• Nara turns 3 yrs old on 10 April. Be sure to get him presents! Hahaha no. Kiddin… How fast time flies. I know it’s so cliché, but it feels like I was just giving birth to him yesterday (wait, I was watching 3 Idiots yesterday, so maybe 2 days ago?) and hold the tiny baby in the hospital blanket, and couldn’t stop crying as I realized how lucky I was to be trusted with such miracle. And now he’s already 3yrs old…my remedy.
• We’re waiting for the confirmation on our Disney on Ice tickets from our friend, Oa. I really hope we get those tickets since it would be my birthday present for Nara. We’re planning to see the first show, April 10^th, 11 am. Who wants to join?
• Banyak banget sale yaa di Singapore bulan Maret iniiii…Kate Spade up to 70% 19-20 Maret 2010. Charles n Keith up to 70% 11-14 Maret, Baby Fair di Takashimaya besok, IT Show di Suntec (ini semua info dari teh Ninit)… Udah, cuma mau ngasi tau aja. Soalnya ngga mungkin kita kesana, hehehehe.
• I brought a plastic of white bread and a jar of skippy to office today. Just in case I got hungry. Like now.
• Ditantangin Pandu nonton Shutter Island weekend ini. hmmm… Up in the Air aja dulu gimana? Hehe atau Hurt Locker yang kamu penasaranin itu juga boleh
• The nearest playdate is on 21 March with Kiyo, Ardell, Ashya, Aryo dan Bimo, dan siapa tau Nuno juga bisa ikutan. Venue: The Playground Kemang. Huassiikkk…
• Also cannot wait for Ira and Angga’s engagement on March 20^th. Hope everything will run smooth as they have been together for years and for everything they’ve gone through together. Akhirnya nyokap merestui ya Ra…senengnyaaaa Plus nanti kita bakal tetanggaan di BSD, sedapppp.
• Btw Ira adalah temen gw yang paling lama. Sekelas waktu SD, jadi sahabat pena karena gw pindah ke Bandung (tsaahhh mana yaa surat-suratan gw sama Ira jaman SD dulu?) dan pas gw kuliah di Bandung tau-tau satu kosan sama Ira! What were the odds? And know, she’s the prettiest smart dentist I know . And we’re going to be neighbors necxt year (insya allah) …hurray!
• I’m easily annoyed now
• Nara loves his unborn sister/brother. Saban hari nanyain “hari ini adeknya udah sebesar apa Bunda?”. Dia udah membayangkan nanti mau ngajarin apa aja sama Adeknya. First thing first, lagu Obladi Oblada *gubrak* abis itu lari, tapi Nara bilang dia mau pegangin adeknya kok, karena siapa tau adeknya belum pinter lari. Semoga Nara nanti rukun yaa sama adeknya.
• I’m hungry. Better make that peanut butter sandwich now.
• Pingin Sop Kaki Pak Memed Kumis di Bandung
• Pengen batagor Kingsley
• Pingin cumi lada hitamnya Kartika Sari (eh Madame Sari yah nama restorannya Kartika Sari?)
• Pingin martabak AA, kacang coklat
• Pengen zuppa soupnya Hema
• Pengen triple chocolate Harvest

Oke stop…apa apaan ini makin ngaco?

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